Wedding woes

[PartyLikeARockstar]

Have you guys had a parent try to do everything in thier power to destroy the wedding? My mom is hell bent on it, and she's even managed to bs her way into having 30+ of our guests boycott the wedding. It's embarrasing as the groom to my in-laws to be will see that not one blood relative is going to show up at the wedding. What would you guys do?

[nevermind1534]

Nvm, I better not post here.:neutral:

[PartyLikeARockstar]

Nvm, I better not post here.:neutral:

I appreciate the courtesy, but I did ask....We're all adults here.

[Airbozo]

So why is she against it?

[PartyLikeARockstar]

The issue began because my mom is a very selfish person. I had expressed to her lack of effort in helping us plan/fund/ whatever the wedding, and also refusing to go would be upsetting to my wife's side of the family.

Her response:

They are not my family, I don't care what you, her, or they think.

Is that not like lining her whole family up and flipping the bird...? AFAIK when you get married, like it or not they are family. You should try at least to get along with them rather than take that attitude and start a problem.

[killergamer]

I would tell her that no matter what she did your love for your soon to be wife is not going to let her Arrogance to Succeed. Also tell her that just because your getting married dose not mean your taken away from her. :up:

Man your mom sounds mean too...

I really hope this helps just a lil.

[d_stilgar]

My fiance's mom is not excited about our marriage. It is important, however, to her to not ruin an experience that only happens once in a person's life. My fiance and I, and our families are all members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormons) and we believe marriage to be eternal, and that our families last into the afterlife.

For her mom, this means that if she messes this up with her feelings, and decides to be a burden, that she will drive a wedge that will last much longer than the time we are on this earth. As much as I am not a huge fan of my in-law-to-be mom, I am grateful to no end that she is being a help as opposed to an opposition to our wedding.

Perhaps if you have a talk with your mom about your feelings about the wedding and marriage, she will change her mind. Exercise some active listening skills and make sure the conversation never gets heated. Your mom is concerned about you, as any mother should be, and probably needs some reassurance that you have thought this through and that your feelings about marriage, especially to your fiance, are strong.

Finally it is important that you make sure that she knows that her actions will result in one of two things. She either gains a daughter, or loses a son. However unexcited she is about the one, I'm sure she would be devastated at the other.

Good luck. It can be hard, but it is all overcomeable. You'd be surprised how some open communication can turn things around quickly. Make sure your mom knows that you love her.

Again, good luck.

[TheGreatSatan]

You could sacrifice your mom to Pazuzu and make the gods happy. The world may be a better place for it too.

[PartyLikeARockstar]

You could sacrifice your mom to Pazuzu and make the gods happy. The world may be a better place for it too.

Your wisdom never fails TGS!

+rep

[Drum Thumper]

Sounds like it might be time to play a bit of hardball. Tell her she'll never see the grandkids if she doesn't show up and plays nicely.

What does your dad think about it?

[jdbnsn]

Wow man, that REALLY sucks! I am very sorry to hear about the lousy atmosphere, major drain on the cheer category. I hope things look up for you.

[halcyonforever]

Yeah, if they are willing to go to that length to insult you, do you really want to involve people that negative in your life?

I know it is a horrible, ugly, tough thing, but my family has been down that road and it is better in some ways and worse in others. My brother cut off my parents for about 6 years. They had agreed to finally play nice for my wedding, and they were going to see their grandkids for the first time. Two weeks before the wedding my father died and never got to see the kids.

There will always be pain if you make the seperation but there is alot to be said for not having to deal with a person like that on a day to day basis.

[Airbozo]

I had lots to say about this, but most of these guys beat me to it.

My only suggestion is to sit down with your mom (just the 2 of you) and try and figure this out. If she is important to you, find a way to make it work. Don't threaten her with any actions like not seeing the grandkids. Rise above that and make sure she knows and feels that she is welcome and indeed needed at your ceremony. Sometimes all moms want is to be involved. See if there is a task that she can take control of to help with the nuptials. It may be a simple thing, but it will mean the world to her. Don't get upset. Don't raise your voice. Be a strong man and make her proud of the way you can conduct yourself, but above all make sure she knows that you love her and want her to be part of this important event. If it still does not work out, make sure she knows that it is HER choice.

I know first hand how this can affect you and your future bride for the rest of your life. None of my family even responded to my wedding invitations, not even those who I thought loved me. My in-laws took it very badly since they ARE all about family. They thought that because none of my family even responded, that I would not be a family friendly person and would drive a wedge between them and their oldest daughter. 19 years later nothing could be further from the truth.

Try and solve this BEFORE the wedding. It is worth the effort believe me.

[Luke122]

I was lucky that both our families got along, and we both like each others parents too.

I agree with AB on this, make the effort, not threats.