(Customers') Not Always Right

[Acey]

Uber pwnage.

http://notalwaysright.com/



(I’m working in an electronics retail store, and see a man in his late 40’s with a kid no older then 10.)

Me: “Welcome sir, did you get…”

(I look in his cart and see that it’s mostly filled with identical Spongebob DVDs.)

Me: “… everything?”

Man: “I guess so.”

Boy: “MORE SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB! SPONGEBOB!”

Man: “Alright, let’s go get some more.”

(About 5 minutes later he comes back, with more Spongebob DVDs… the same ones, to be exact.)

Man: “Alright, I think this is enough.”

(I ring him up, and the total comes to about $550.00 USD.)

Me: *whispering* “Uhh, sir… these are mostly the same thing.”

Man: “Oh, don’t worry about it. I hate my life anyway.”

[killergamer]

I like this.

Supermarket | Winnipeg, MB, Canada
(I was a cashier and father and young son were in line.)
Son: “Wow, that’s a lot of stuff!”
Dad: “Yeah, I might have to sell your bike to pay for it all.”
Son: “Noooo, not my bike!”
Dad: *laughs* “No, I wouldn’t sell your bike for food. Although, I might sell it for beer…”

[xRyokenx]

Oh man, people are so hilarious yet so stupid... man...


(Okay, for starters: I am wearing clown makeup, a bright pink wig, and a bright orange shirt with our store’s logo on it in HUGE font. A woman with a bible in one hand and a cross in another comes up to me.)

Woman: “Do you work here?”

Me: “… yes.”

Woman: “YOU WILL ALL BURN IN H*** FOR SELLING THESE ITEMS CELEBRATING SATAN’S HOLIDAY!” *turns to customers* “…AND YOU WILL BURN FOR SUPPORTING THEM!”

Manager, over loudspeaker: “Thank you for shopping at H***Mart! All items are now 6.66% off for the next 6 minutes, 66 seconds. Thank you, and have a nice day!”

[killergamer]

I really hope I dont get banned for this one.


Insert Sex Euphemism Here (http://notalwaysright.com/insert-sex-euphemism-here/763)

Tech Support | Vancouver, BC, Canada
(I get a lot of funny calls, and most of the time, I can stay calm and professional through the call. This is the only one I’ve had where I needed to hit the ‘mute’ button. Thankfully, he was talking about the website–I eventually needed to dispatch a tech.)
Me: “Thanks for calling Internet Tech Support, Emily speaking.”
Customer: “Yeah, I was looking at this porn site, and now I can’t get it up anymore.”
Me: “…”

[xRyokenx]

This one seriously just made my day...




(At our library, the computers are all self-sign up. All you have to do is type in your name and library card number. This is clearly posted on the side of the monitor. In walks a young woman and her boyfriend.)

Young woman: “Can you help me with this?”

Me: “What’s the problem?”

Young woman: “I don’t know what to do.”

Me: “The instructions are on the side of the monitor.”

Young woman: “But why can’t you tell me how to do it?”

Me: “Because it’s SELF-SIGN UP.”

Young woman: “But I need help!”

Me: “All you have to do is type in your name and library card number.”

Young woman: “But do I have to read the screen?”

Me: *confused* “Of… course. The screen tells you when to type in your information. You have to read the screen.”

Young woman: “BUT I DIDN’T COME INTO THE LIBRARY TO READ!”

Young woman’s boyfriend: *turns abruptly and walks out the door*

[killergamer]

I cant explain how awesome this is...

A Case Of The Computer Cooties (http://notalwaysright.com/a-case-of-the-computer-cooties/605)

Software Company | Dublin, Ireland
(The office downstairs sometimes calls up to us for tech support. They’re not too great with computers.)
Guy from downstairs: “I think one of the computers has a virus.”
Me: “Ok, which one?”
Guy: “The one in the middle of the office.”
(This seems strange, as I remember that they don’t have any computers in the middle of the room.)
Me: “Have you moved the computers recently?”
Guy: “Yeah, we put it in the middle of the office so the other computers wouldn’t catch the virus!”
(I went downstairs and a disconnected desktop stands in all its glory in the middle of the room. It didn’t have a virus.)

[crenn]

Personally I love this one:
http://notalwaysright.com/canada-americas-baseball-cap/1029

EDIT:
http://notalwaysright.com/tornado-1-whiny-caller-0/997

[xRyokenx]

Oh man, I need to do this to some idiot, lol.




(I work in a large electronics retail chain. A guy asks me to find the latest version of Norton AntiVirus for him, which I do. He takes a look at the price and starts yelling about how outrageous it is ($100.00 US).)

Guy: “What the h***? How can you people get away with this? This is a scam!”

Me: “Sir, I can suggest another type of protection if this one is too expensive…”

Guy: “No way! This is the one I want, but I’m not paying this.”

Me: “Sir I–”

Guy: “I bet I can find it online for much cheaper. Heck, even free! ”

Me: “Sir, I think that–”

Guy: “That’s what I’ll do… I’ll find it for free online! Better than this s***!”

(A young woman nearby is listening and speaks up.)

Woman: “Yeah, you can find it online, for free.”

Guy: “Really, where? Tell me!”

Woman: “L****party.org.” (Warning: This is a disturbing porn site that I would not recommend viewing.)

Guy: “Thanks!” *turns back to me, smirking* “Ha, guess I won’t be spending any money on this s***!”

Me, to the girl: “That… was awesome.”

Woman: “Well, an a**hole like that deserves it. I figured that you couldn’t tell him that without getting fired.”

(The young woman gets a free gift card; that guy never comes back. I still wonder what went through his mind when the site popped up.)

[killergamer]

I would have love to be the sales person for this...


The Birds And The Bees Talk, Illustrated (http://notalwaysright.com/the-birds-and-the-bees-talk-illustrated/367)

Toy Store | Belgium
Customer: “Hi, I’d like a Playboy for my son.”
Me: “…excuse me?”
Customer: “You know, a Playboy to play with.”
Me: *trying very hard not to laugh* “You mean a Gameboy?”
Customer: “Yeah that!”
Customer: *realizes what she said* “OH!”

[xRyokenx]

Hahaha, nice one.

I wish someone caught this one on camera.




(I was quietly working down my aisle when a disgruntled man stops at the end and looks at me.)

Me: *resumes working as he is making no advances*

Man: “Awwharhaghhsss!”

Me: *looks up*

Man: “TOMATO SAUCE!” *angry look*

Me: “Uhhhh…”

Man: *furious look*

Me: “… aisle 10!”

[killergamer]

Man this guy must have been rich

Deep Pockets (http://notalwaysright.com/deep-pockets/200)

ISP | Kansas, USA
Customer: “I’d like to buy the Internet, please.”
Sales: “The whole thing?

[killergamer]

Two more I think.

This Is What Hell Is Like (http://notalwaysright.com/this-is-what-hell-is-like/152)

Tech Support | USA
(I had this conversation recently with a lady who swore she had been using computers since forever.)
Tech Support: “All right. Now click ‘OK’.”
Customer: “Click ‘OK’?”
Tech Support: “Yes, click ‘OK’.”
Customer: “Click ‘OK’?”
Tech Support: “That’s right. Click ‘OK’.”
Customer: “So I click ‘OK’, right?”
Tech Support: “Right. Click ‘OK’.”
(Pause.)
Customer: “I clicked ‘Cancel’.”
Tech Support: “YOU CLICKED ‘CANCEL’???”
Customer: “That’s what I was supposed to do, right?”
Tech Support: “No, you were supposed to click ‘OK’.”
Customer: “I thought you said to click ‘Cancel’.”
Tech Support: “NO. I said to click ‘OK’.”
Customer: “Oh.”
Tech Support: “Now we have to start over.”
Customer: “Why?”
Tech Support: “Because you clicked ‘Cancel’.”
Customer: “Wasn’t I supposed to click ‘Cancel’?”
Tech Support: “No. Forget that. Let’s start from the top.”
Customer: “Ok.”
(I spend the next fifteen minutes re-constructing the carefully crafted setup for this lady’s unique computer.)
Tech Support: “All right. Now, are you ready to click ‘OK’?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Tech Support: “Great. Now click ‘OK’.”
(Pause.)
Customer: “I clicked ‘Cancel’.”
(And people wonder why my mouse pad has a target on it labeled “BANG HEAD HERE.”)
Source (http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/cs_calls.shtml)




Me: “Internet helpdesk, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I can’t connect to the internet.”

Me: “How long has it been since you last connected?”

Customer: “I was connected until a few minutes ago.”

Me: “Have you changed anything in your network?”

Customer: “Well, I was downloading some movies over the net, but the download got too slow. I called a friend of mine and he told me that some movies could’ve gotten stuck in the cable. So I cut the cable to see if I could yank it out of there. I didn’t find anything, so I taped the cable back together. Now, can you get it back to work?”

Me: *grimace*