well it finally has happened...

[billygoat333]

My wife of almost three years and I finally filed for divorce on thursday of last week. :dead:

It is the weirdest feeling in the world, I am happy, sad, and everything in between. I will be glad when this mess is over with.

[jdbnsn]

Oh dude, I'm sorry to hear that. Keep your chin up and don't forget that we all have your back.

[billygoat333]

Yeah I know its for the best, just going to be hard, we have a one year old son who I was really hoping wouldn't have to go through all of this. But honestly there was really no hope of the relationship continuing in any healthy way no matter how hard we tried. I hope that my son will understand that, and will see us both separate and happy vs together and at each other's throats all the time.

I just wish that things had worked out better. That is another hard part. All the What If's that I have to live with, all the things that I could have done differently. All the things that she could have done differently.

Oh well. I am looking forward to being single for a while and have a chance to find myself again and fix all my shortcomings that contributed to this mess.

[Datech]

If you and your son's mother are both stable, he will be fine. My parents divorced just before my 3rd birthday, and honestly I can't imagine or wish for a life with them together. My older brother and I both turned out fine.

As far as the 'What Ifs,' I choose to think about it like this: There are no regrets in life, because at that moment you were doing exactly what you wanted to do.

If that isn't your cup of tea, just leave it be. But if it helps you, take it to heart because there is no need to ever look back. Solve the problem at hand, and if you make the wrong choice, you can sometimes take a step back and choose the other path, or move forward and try and go a different direction. Either way you gotta keep moving.

[blueonblack]

I have to agree completely on the "what if's". Pointless, meaningless and overall a bad idea. It's hard to avoid them many times, especially in situations like yours, but if you can stop looking at them you'll be surprised how much it can help the here and now. Whatever it is you're thinking about, it's done.

If you're not ready to look ahead yet, that's fine, just pay attention to where you are. You've got a son that no doubt adores you, and you are at least half of his entire world. If you can't focus on anything else, focus on that.

[Zephik]

Sorry to hear that man, that stuff is pretty rough to go through.

As for your son, some of my friends have divorced parents and they're better examples of people than most of my other friends who have both parents still together. Just be a good person and a good father and he'll turn out better than fine.


As far as the 'What Ifs,' I choose to think about it like this: There are no regrets in life, because at that moment you were doing exactly what you wanted to do.

:up:

Thats exactly how I look at things. It has saved me a great deal of depression, pains and aches. I also like to look at things as a whole, not just how it ended. My last relationship didn't end well or the way I wanted it to, but everything from first meeting her to all the stuff in between was worth every second.

Word of advice, although you probably don't need it. But just in case; Once its gone, its gone. Let it stay that way. Thats the one thing that I had the hardest time with and in the end, I just made things worse for both myself and her, but especially myself.

[billygoat333]

great advice by all, and I appreciate it. I just can't wait until this is all over with and we both can move on with our lives, just feel like time is moving through cold tar. yesterday afternoon we had to go to a parenting class mandated by the court. Was actually pretty informative for something I was really not looking forward to going to. I just hope that the soon-to-be ex and I can keep up with being decent to each other... I am really worried about her badmouthing me to my son. She is the type of person to do that... and I really don't want that. Guess I will just have to deal with the situation as it arises. So far the separation has been good actually, minus the loneliness. think thats the hardest part.