My Junior Project - English Research Paper on George Carlin

[Trace]

Red pens needed! While it isn't currently finished, I'm going to keep updating with what I have. There is Cussing in it as it is George Carlin we're talking about.

You can find the first page and a half here (http://pastebin.org/100265)

[nevermind1534]

I didn't really have a lot of time to edit it, so I just made a few grammatical/spelling corrections.

[Trace]

It'll be updated shortly: Please
quote tag your edits and post them here

thanks everybody!

[Trace]

http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0Abbg7RJBXw9KZGRrcjdwY3BfM2Nnd3B6NGYz&hl=en

[Drum Thumper]

There's nothing there about his work as a narrator for 'Thomas and Friends'. A very interesting choice for a man that was quite vulgar. But then again, as he mentioned in his book 'Napalm and Silly Putty' there were two sides to the man that was Mr. Carlin: a serious side and a not so serious side.

And regarding random thoughts: The mayfly only lives one day. And sometime it rains (Napalm and Silly Putty).

And don't forget his masterpiece regarding the two great American pastimes: Baseball and Football.
Damn I miss him.

[Trace]

There's nothing there about his work as a narrator for 'Thomas and Friends'. A very interesting choice for a man that was quite vulgar. But then again, as he mentioned in his book 'Napalm and Silly Putty' there were two sides to the man that was Mr. Carlin: a serious side and a not so serious side.

And regarding random thoughts: The mayfly only lives one day. And sometime it rains (Napalm and Silly Putty).

And don't forget his masterpiece regarding the two great American pastimes: Baseball and Football.
Damn I miss him.
I think I will add that in as an Extrinsic question that I need, Thanks!

[Trace]

Update: http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0Abbg7RJBXw9KZGRrcjdwY3BfNGM3Ymh6cHp0&hl=en

[billygoat333]

I will edit this tonight @ work for ya. :)

[Trace]

Thanks BG! I'll have some more (like at least 3 more pages) for you a little later tonight. Rough draft is due tomorrow and final is due on the 12.

[Trace]

Updated
latest version http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0Abbg7RJBXw9KZGRrcjdwY3BfNmhiMnhtZmY&hl=en

[Trace]

Last rough draft version: 11:55PM March 3 (http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0Abbg7RJBXw9KZGRrcjdwY3BfOGM0bmQ3M2Zi&hl=en)

[NightrainSrt4]

I skimmed through the last version a couple times and read through it once. If I seem harsh I do not mean to be. Some people tell me my helping/editing can be a bit harsh, so be prepared just in case. I just don't see a point in reading through a paper just to say, "Oh yeah, that was great. Perfect. Awesome". It isn't helpful and if someone wished for a paper to be edited/looked over, they don't need that as a response. Anyway...

I am not sure if that is simply how your instructor expects or wants things, but pretty much the last half of the paper seems like a copy paste. Far too many quotes without any real analysis. There needs to be more of you in the paper, but without the I, my, etc. You are the author of the paper, so anything that isn't explicitly cited is assumed to have come from you. It is a hard thing to master, but your writing will improve leaps and bounds if you can remove the references to yourself.

You could do with more paraphrasing and less direct quotes if you wanted to keep much of what you have. A good paraphrase shows an understanding of the source material while helping to break up the appearance of quotes every few lines.

Instead of writing things such as, "Finding the answers to these questions may not be easy; however, I feel that it will give me a better understanding of Carlin", drop the "I feel" and "me". When you are writing you do not need to justify everything with a feeling, or a statement of your beliefs. I am not going to edit the actual structure of your sentence, but simply show you how you can remove references to yourself without much work.

ex. "Finding the answers to these questions may not be easy; however, this will give a better understanding of Carlin". You could use "it" in place of "this", or any of the other infinite ways to reword that sentence.

You don't want to just slap a bunch of quotes on the page and state you agree with your sources, or that Carlin was intelligent, or that you think he is great. Show with your examples, and your justifications and analysis, how we was great. By the end of the paper you shouldn't have to state "I feel that George Carlin was an amazing author". You should have led your audience to that conclusion without ever having to say it explicitly. If you still felt the need to say it explicitly, take my advice about removing the "I" and references directly to yourself. You don't have to justify that it is your opinion. Simply state it if it is necessary to state.

I won't go into grammar or anything like that, as I am assuming you will work those things out as you head towards another draft (like paragraph indents, etc). Hope I helped and didn't come on too strong. If you can go through and change just a few of those mentioned, you will have a far stronger paper.

[Trace]

I appreciate all of that. My teacher, however, wants our voice to come through. She said I, me, etc are perfectly fine for this paper, and to not sound all Professor-like. The suggestions about the quotes, however, are excellent, taken to heart, and will be changed. +rep

[NightrainSrt4]

That is oddly strange that the teacher would want that. I take it this isn't a college course then? There are many ways to let your voice show through without being redundant with I's and my's. Weird. I've never found it acceptable to do that in a research paper. Anyway. . .

For the quotes, I would just find a way to integrate them a bit better, and so they don't overtake the whole paper. You did better at that in the beginning than the end of the paper.

Good luck.

[Trace]

My teacher agrees completely with you on that fact. Junior in High school paper. I will continue to update the paper on here, and take lots of input.

[nevermind1534]

Just keep in mind that most teachers will not want you to so that on a research paper, but it is very appropriate on other forms of essays.

[Trace]

Revision 4! http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0Abbg7RJBXw9KZGRrcjdwY3BfMTBjZmtwZ3RjbQ&hl=en

Thanks to everybody for the help!

[Trace]

Revision 6.1: http://docs.google.com/Doc?docid=0Abbg7RJBXw9KZGRrcjdwY3BfMTFmMmRkZ2tzeA&hl=en

Thanks to everyone who is helping, I appreciate it