A springtime mystery...

[DaveW]

For the first time in many years...i'm stumped. Completely.
Read this like a flm noir narrator...it makes it more interesting.

It's a simple, small time upgrade. My own flesh and blood...he needed more juice from his equipment. It's a small undertaking, i said to him. All it needs is a motherboard switcheroo and then re-install windows. Sounds easy, he said...if only he was right.

When the job's finished, i boot the thing up. No image. "What the hell..." i muttered, checking all my connections. Everything seemed in order. I got worried...i couldn't have fried his graphics card, could i?

So i made a simple switch. Changed the card. Didn't make a damn bit of a difference, not a damn thing. No boot screen, nuthin'. Just a brief flicker of a 'no signal message' before the monitor goes to sleep.

So after a while, i gets desperate. I tried every trick in the book; 3 graphics cards, 3 motherboards, 2 processors, and 3 monitors, switching between each part like a porno mag moves in a monestary. Each part tested and working. Yet, put any 4 together with this case...and they stop. Like a conspiracy or something. But that's rediculous...isn't it?

[end film noir voiceover]

Long story cut short, i get nothing on the screen. I've tried 3 different graphics cards and 3 different monitors; 3 different motherboards, and just in case, 2 different processors. Theory goes, once you've eliminated the impossible, whatever's left, no matter how improbable, is the solution.

Unfortunately, it seems the only remaining theory is that my technology was selectively wiped out by a drunken EMP pulse, which avoided everything else in the house.

If you have any idea, no matter how bizzare, i'm prepared to hear it; replies in film noir tense please :D (You don't have to, but c'mon, lighten up!)

-Dave

[legoman786]

You sure the PSU ain't dead? How about the connections for the power button on the mobo? Because it's simply not possible for all that hardware to be dead.

[sega01]

i would definately check the psu, and also try the ram just in case. but regardless, thats really odd.

good luck!

[Rankenphile]

He walked into my office like a bad case of indegestion - I could already feel the burn in my throat. In his shaking hands he held the victim, with obvious signs of trouble all over it - this wasn't going to be fun.

I got out the tools of my trade - an electrostatic bracelet a screwdriver. With extra vodka.

Then I got out the phillips head, laid the victim down on the desk and started to work. It wasn't quite dead, and damnit, I was going to get some answers.

I started going to work on this, this disaster case.

"You sure it was plugged in," I asked.

"Of course I did... I... he's too young to die like this! He's too new to this world."

I slapped him around a bit. "Pull yourself together. It ain't dead yet, and it don't deserve to see you like this. I am to get to the bottom of this thing, don't you worry."

It looked like I'd have to resort to some drastic measures. New monitor, unsullied by the likes of this mook. Got out the silver disc of redemption - fresh starts. Everyone deserves one, but too few get one in this crazy workaday world.

FDisk the hard drive. Wipe the sonofabitch clean. Back to purity. Innocence. I'd be lying if I told you I could remember those days.

Install all new drivers, clean, sober, fresh as a daisy in the hair of a virgin at her first sock hop. Don't miss a thing - motherboard first, video, sound card, USB, even the dang monitor drivers. I'm not letting anything fall through the cracks, not while there's a chance to save this sad sack of silicon.

Reinstall windows - almost a shame, really, dirtying up this blank slate with the devil's handiwork. Oh well, when in Rome you wear a toga. Or is that Greece? Nevermind - just brings up bad memories of frats and kegs.

One last thing - I go over every single connection, every single possible wire in this beast. And I check the toggle on the power supply - I'll be damned if I'm gunna let this thing run on anything but the electricity it's maker intended.

And if that don't work, I'll send it back to meet it's maker. And may God have mercy on it's soul.

And yours, too, if you're still reading this far.




Why don't we have more themed help threads? lol, this was fun.

[tybrenis]

Lol wish I could give some advise, I just wanted to agree with Rank - we need more themed threads! I like.

EDIT: 200 posts! YES! Overclocked!

[Slug Toy]

so i was sitting around in my office one night, pouring over files from a recent case. i wasnt getting anywhere fast. suddenly the phone rings. my ears hurt from the shrill ringing; ive been alone in silence for hours.

it was an urgent call from an anonymous source. apparently trouble was brewing at the old video warehouse. there were some shady deals that went down at the warehouse in the past, but this felt different. this felt... sinister.

i grabbed my coat and took a trip. took a little while to get there. red lights all the way.

when i got there, it wasnt a pretty sight. one suspected murder, no witnesses, and no leads. based on the corpse, id say it was only a few hours old.

i got out my pad of paper and took some notes, and drew some sketches. this wasnt working. even the usual procedures were getting nothing. everything seemed intact, no evidence of trauma. not even any evidence of poison or suffocation. this was strange.

suddenly, i remembered a trick an inmate told me when i got sent to the slammer for rearranging a guy's face. there was an old story that it was possible to sever the occular nerves with minimal force, leaving no evidence. the victim wouldnt die immediately, but was blind, and would probably get lost and starve. i couldnt check this theory though, the ambulance was already packing the body up to take to the morgue. dammit. looks like i might have to bend the rules a bit to figure this out.

i did a final sweep of the area, and came up empty handed again. i called it a night; i wasnt going to get anything from the scene.

as i was driving back to the office, i still couldnt piece together anything. that inmate's story was seeming more likely with every passing intersection. i was so wrapped up in thought, i didnt even notice that this large zombie had fallen on the hood of my car, with a large octopus, and the two were wrestling. i must have passed the office a long time ago, this wasnt the right part of town.

a big metal thing fell out of the sky a few hundred feet in front of me, and exploded with a large enough force for me to feel it. i slammed on the brakes, but they just fell off, and i started speeding up. damn cadillacs.. they had just rolled out the new "imminent crash feature" that was meant to ensure occupant death in case of a brake failure like this.

there wasnt much i could do, so i ripped off the steering wheel, jumped in the back seat, and got out my automatic rocket launcher. i quickly kicked out the front windshield and start firing blindly. maybe i could clear a path. it didnt work though. the bloody zombie ate two of the rockets, and the rest hit a couple pedestrians. i was out of ammo too.

the last thing i remember was the front of the car hitting the metal thing. i saw the spedometer... 3000 mph. the front folded up like a butter tart, and the sound was horrible; like crumping paper and a large trombone. i was airborne in no time, and my face hit the rearview mirror. my shoulder incinerated the passenger seat too. then everything exploded and i was on fire.

so there i was, flying through the air on fire, and just a few feet away from a 3000 mph collision with a large metal object that had fallen out of the sky. i couldnt help but wonder if i left the lights on at the office. the power bill's going to cost a fortune next month.........



wow, you're right, these themed help thread ARE fun, VERY fun. i might have even gotten a little carried away. in case you couldnt pick out anything helpful in that story, i was hinting at the video cable. read it a couple times, and you may even see more hints towards other things ive seen mentioned.

perhaps that's the problem, a randomly faulty cable. other than that, i cant say. maybe the octopus had something to do with it.

[Cevinzol]

Did you give it the old ZWEIFELHOFER Test?

[Rankenphile]

zombie versus octopus on the hood of a speeding cadillac?

damn, tech support just became a hell of a lot more awesome.

[Cevinzol]

Ye olde Z-Test:
1) Open the computer case
2) Grasp firmly
3) raise case into the air
4) invert case
5) shake vigorously
6) Listen for the tell tale sound of loose screws

History:
At my first computer job we assembled "custom" computers from stock parts. Effectively the customer chose from a menu of components al la carte style. In the early days of the company each tech would take a build order, assemble it, burn it in for 24 hours and then test it. It would then be passed to another tech (anyone who had free time) who would re-run the tests.

Long before I started there, one of the senior techs (Dave Z.) used this as his QC check because he didn't want to spend time re-checking a working machine. After I was hired they started a formal process. This was done mainly because of bounce backs - machines that didn't work when the customer got it home. The new process involved 1 tech (me) who would double check every machine before it went out. If it came back he was the one who caught hell. We created a check list to include with the build order. To impress our clients with our professionalism we came up with anything to pad the number of test and so the Zweifelhoffer Test was added to get our total up to 20.

Not to be outdone, our compentition started including QC check lists with their machines and surprise - they included the Z Test in their list too even though they had no clue what it was.

Ah the memories. That place was a hole. The owner lived in the back room. He was hiding from creditors of a previous enterprise that he chapter 11'd into the ground. He slept on an air matress and took showers over the floor drain in the garage. Its the only place I've worked where my official title was "Demi-God" (the manager was "God").

[jdbnsn]

Sounds like a short, have you checked for a short, well have ya Dave?

Dammit Dave, I'm a Doctor not an electritian (or a film writer)!

:rolleyes: My weak attempt at Trekkie humor....(crickets...)

[DaveW]

I woke up at my desk, with bits of my notepad stuck to my face. My head felt like i had a marching band practicing in it. There was a half-empty bottle of Rankenphile brand vodka lying next to me...that stuff is rotgut-i felt terrible. Strange memories were coming back to me-something about an octupus dancing on a cadillac? Or was that a zombie...Dammit, i'm never touching that stuff again.

I peeled the sticky notes off my face, and was surprised to see that i had written legibly, despite whatever the hell had happened last night. I had a look at the notes...

There wasn't much to look at.


1) PC boots up, hard drive makes familiar 'i'm happyilly booting' noises.
2) Everything appears to be in working order. No loose screws or wrong jumper settings-i doubled checked it.
3) The problem is that there's no signal getting to any of the 3 monitor's tested; even after switching out for 3 different graphics cards, 3 different mobos, and 2 different processors.
4) Appart from there being no apparent image signal, the computer appears to be working fine.


I crumpled the note up and threw in the trash. It didn't make any sense; either i was too drunk to write everything down properly, or i was so drunk i made the damn thing up. I felt angry. This case...was playing games with me. I wanted some answers. The problem was, where to get them?

After 3 cups of coffee i headed out; my car was in a bad way. I think i figured out what that dream was all about...looks like some movie posters got stuck to my windscreen. I musta crashed into a billboard or something. I peeled off the poster for 'zombies vs. the giant octupus', got into my car, and headed out to get some answers.


(in other words, i'm gonna 'retry' everything and hope that it fixes itself. I find strange unexplainable problems like these often do just that.

PS: This is fun!)

-Dave

[legoman786]

The man who calls himself Dave scares me... o.0

[DaveW]

The man who calls himself Dave scares me... o.0

I bet you had a laugh all the same :D

-Dave
(My name really is Dave, btw...)

[legoman786]

That's what I was implying because I know there isn't a single person who would mask their own name. Unless, of course, it was funny as hell!! jk jk

[Cevinzol]

So Dave is thinking.... This (http://www.brighthill.com/images/wtfwrong.wav)
When his computer told him.... This (http://www.brighthill.com/images/sorry_dave.wav)
And the only conclusion is... This (http://www.brighthill.com/images/loose_my_mind.mp3)

"Dave? Dave's not here!" - T. Chong