Need advice, My friend started smoking

[Aero]

Hey guys, let me start by saying 2 things.

1) I'm one of the few kids who has never had a drink/smoked/done drugs, or even associated with anyone who does.

2) I'm also the kind of person who would literally do anything to help my friends.

Ok, well this story revolves around a girl of course, one year younger than me, I met her last summer at my friends bon fire. We started hanging out..alot. Everyday all day type thing. Well, when school started up I was planning on asking her to homecoming, but before I could my friend told her that I liked her and I got the infamous "I just want to be friends" speech. I decided that since she was still a cool person and that I enjoyed being around her I could still be friends. We became really good friends (or so I thought) talking for atleast an hour everynight, hianging out, we even had that wierd mental connection where you can tell what is happening to the other person (like I just knew when she was getting drunk/smoking even though she had told me nothing because she knew I would dissapprove).

Anyway on to the issue at hand, that was mostly background on this person. Over summer (when I met her) she told me "I have seen a smokers lungs at the hospitol, I though it was disgusting. I used to smoke alittle, but I will never smoke again, I think its disgusting". About 3 weeks later she was telling me "I keep having cravings for cigarettes. I used to have them alot, even before I ever smoked" She then started smokeing a cigarette every so often with her "friends". I say "friends" because she calls them her friends, yet she never calls them if shes in trouble, or needs to talk with someone at 1:30 in the morning, or has had a bad day. She only parties, drinks and smokes with them. Anyway she also wants to be a music major, and plays an instrument that requires a good lung capacity. So by smoking shes not only hurting her self, but also her chances of achieveing her dreams. Well, I talked with her and she said "It's not a big deal. I don't smoke that often, I could quit whenever I want". I then said something about self-control, her response was "You know my friends, if I wanted to I could be out smoking everyday, but I'm not, therefore I do have self control". I even warned her that she will start wanting to smoke more and more, she ignored me. After that she continued to smoke more and more, she is developing a cough, and has just about completely stopped talking to me about her life. (I used to be the one she would call everynight and talk to for atleast an hour, now she won't even tell me the whole truth about what she does unless I specifically ask). I don't know how much she smokes now, but its been increasing (along with her drinking) in the past 2 months.

Well, I guess I'm not really sure what to do. As I said I'm the person who wouldn't be caught dead with anyone who smokes/does drugs. But I'm also not one to abandon my friends for anything. Now she has a crush on a kid who...well as she put it.. "Is a major pothead", and I'm very worried he will lead her down that road, which can quickly turn dangerous and completely ruin any hope she has of achieveing her goals. (to my knowledge she has only smoked ciggarettes, but I wouldn't be that surprised if she has tried other substances too). I'm really worried about her, I'm afriad that if I speak up she will say "Ok, he doesn't like what I'm doing. But heres this other guy (pothead dude) who thinks everyone should make their own decisions, so I'm going to hangout with him more", this ofcorse leading to what I just described.

[nil8]

It's her choice. If she wants to smoke, she will. If she wants to drink or do drugs, she will.

I was a major pothead and drug user in high school and a little after and the idea of ruining one's chances is real, but more often than not, it is just adolescent experimentation and doesn't matter.

The information for the damage cigarettes have is out there and well known. It is understood and shoved down societies throats. If someone chooses to smoke, it's none of your business.

Teenage relationships involve all sorts of idiots and problems. This is normal growing pains. Most females until their mid 20's pick assholes over stable, secure guys that could provide a healthier option. It's the way it works.

[ReignInPain]

Its a hard situation to be in dude. I think if she appreciates you as a friend, she'd take your views into account right? As long as your not really overbearing in anyway.

Have you had a proper heart to heart with her about this guy? It might be a good oppertunity to bring up her stances on drugs? Might help test the water to see if whe might go down that line?

Do you think shes the type of person who'd appreciate it if you had a chat with her, as a close friend regarding her life, and where she sees it heading.

Whatever you do, good luck mate.

[sirkillalot617]

your a bit ike me i do drink when im with my friends or have a beer at family dinners I dont smoke or do drugs and i dont plan to She probebly will eventuly stop as if its the same were you are smoking is begining to start being banned all you can do is be her friend and surport her in whatever desision she makes

[Aero]

nil8 and Minty, thanks for your input. I may dissagree, but I do thnk you for your time in responding to my post. I know people need to learn on their own and teens must experiment. Its what a majority of the population does, I just so happened to completely ignore it untill I met this person, its like someone dropping a live grenade in tele-tubbie land, its something completely new and causes pain and confusion.

What honestly, if she hadn't changed at all since she stared, I would be less worried...alittle anyway. But she isn't practiceing her instrument as much, and then is upset when she doesn't do good in competitions. She also is on speech team, I saw how much she loved it, she was happy and joyful whenever she was writing, practicing, or preforming her part. She would go to each competition confident that she could do well. Just last weekend she was literally memorizeing her speech 5 mins before she went up, she didn't even try to do well. Shes just all around a less happy person and again dropping the things that I where the most important to her just 2 months ago.

ReigninPain-

I don't know about the conversation. She has been one to enjoy a good conversation whenever, but she has been talking to me less and less. I'm definatly trying this though. Last night her phone died (conveinently) right after I asked "Why do you smoke?"

Sirkillalot-

Hey man, I didn't think there were any people like me left. I think I understand what you're saying, but try to use punctuation more so people can understand what you're saying easier.

[ReignInPain]

I just used to break peoples cigarettes, that just pissed them off though. Have you tried approaching it more subtely than simply coming out with "why do you smoke?"

Putting it in that form is quite confronting? Whereas asking in what situations she feels the need to smoke, dosent sound as confrontational. If you get what i mean?

[Aero]

I just used to break peoples cigarettes, that just pissed them off though. Have you tried approaching it more subtely than simply coming out with "why do you smoke?"

Putting it in that form is quite confronting? Whereas asking in what situations she feels the need to smoke, dosent sound as confrontational. If you get what i mean?

I was kinda 3/4 asleep last night, I started out "I'm worried about you. In the time I"ve known you you've gone downhill."..*then shortly explained what I just typed*

She said "Well, this weekend I didn't drink, I had a few ciggarette, and didn't smoke any weed. I'm telling the truth"

Silence for about 15 seconds

and that was about it, so I need to finish this today or tomowwor, and I plan to think more before I talk.

[Slug Toy]

god, i know this situation. ive lost two friends because of this. they didnt die... they just disappeared.

the first friend i lost was a guy i had known since i was six. he got into pot really hard by grade 8, then we went to different high schools after that. we would still hang out but he started bringing other people along and all they did was sit around and get high all the time. eventually he stopped talking to me except for on msn, and i couldnt get him to keep any promises at all. it turned into a whole whirlwind of lies that i just had no patience for. probably about half way through grade 9 i just told him to **** off because i cant deal with him anymore. about a year later he had disappeared from home and people were now threatening his parents over drug money. his brother couldnt even go to school because they would probably kill him. anyways... about a year ago now i heard from another friend that this guy had resurfaced across town and was clean now, but completely burned out. he wanted to talk to me apparently, but i never did call him. at least he "realized" his mistakes and has cleaned up. im still not going to talk to him again though.

the second friend wasnt so bad. it was drinking that got them. this time it was a girl though. she liked to party too... almost every night, and yet she wanted to go on to get an english degree from university, and she was working every day before and after school. things werent that great at home for her either, and she always talked about moving out. i managed to talk her out of moving out and i was able to smooth things out with the family to a certain extent, but this girl was STUBBORN. i started trying to talk to her about the constant partying (even though it wasnt REALLY bad) but she wouldnt listen. i also tried to talk to her about free time because she "had none". i say "had none" because she was always too busy to hang out or come boating with me, but every time i called her she was off having dinner with other friends or partying. anyways... every time i tried to appeal to her common sense, she gave me the "its my life" speech and started accusing me of being self centered. im alright with the "its my life" thing, but i dont take kindly to being called self centered... that gets the best of me every time. i just couldnt hear that every time i tried to tell her that maybe if she stopped getting hammered her parents wouldnt be so pissed and she would actually have money for university. it got to the point where one day i just snapped and had a nice little "look in the mirror" rant. i never talked to her again either since that rant.... mainly because i told her that if she ever saw me again it would be a mistake on my part.

so it sounds like im pretty... dickish about cutting friends off, but just understand this. i gave those two so many second chances its not funny. i dont like being mean, but i DO like being real. whenever i snap like that, i hope the person im yelling at will actually listen, because id have something important to say.

anyways, to tell you the truth, i dont think you're going to be able to really help your friend. girls are difficult, especially when they dont hold you in high regard. if her mind is made up about smoking and those "friends", i think the only chance you might have of getting through to her is to play on her weak spots (its not wrong if you're helping). you have to think this out big time too, because unless you're an improv genius, you cant just pull a heartfelt speech out of thin air.

i really dont know what else to say. all i know is that you have a battle ahead that you should be prepared to lose. ive done this enough to know that the odd man out (being the one that really cares) almost always loses unless you take some sort of tactical advantage that may be immoral under normal circumstances.

good luck with this and ask if you need more help. maybe we can get together and write a collective speech that you can give out over the phone or something...

[sirkillalot617]

sxxx you guys have some real problems most of my frineds r like me, they like to drink but not in exccesse well i am only 15 surpose iv got it all to come.

[Aero]

Killalot, I never questioned my friends before. I met this person in a "clean" spell, I hope your friends stay like you, but as I'm finding out, it only takes one to go bad.

Slug-


ive done this enough to know that the odd man out (being the one that really cares) almost always loses unless you take some sort of tactical advantage that may be immoral under normal circumstances.

I hear that. I might quote you on that in the future :p.

But man, it sounds like you know exactly what I'm headed for. I'm praying it goes better for me, but I'm certian it won't. What I do plan on doing is talking with one of her best friends. From what I've heard, her life is a series of mistakes with good times in-between. Its a cycle, good, bad, good, bad. Very similar to her life at home. She lived with her mother until last march, this person was simply evil, and should be locked up. Chasing her down and literally pulling her away from friends if she wasn't home on time, and leaving her friends to find a ride..and this was on a pleasent day. Her life has been pretty bad, which is probably why she has gone down the path she has. I want to be able to change that, but I don't know if I can alone. Anyway, everytime she has these "cycles" she comes back to a core group of friends. One in particlur she has known most of her life. I'm going to talk with her too, hopefully if her two "fallback" friends tell her she should change something, she will. If not, theres really nothing else I can do. I'm going to keep pressure on her to stop, but I fear that will only pull us apart and push her farther down that road.

But who knows, I might just snap (I know I did the other day when I heard about something she does), maybe this time it will be in her face. Either that or I'm going to break down in tears, no way to know until it happens...maybe both.


Thanks to everyone who has shared their opinion, it means alot to me. +Rep.


NOTE: Actually, the past 6 months have been so interesting I'm thinking I should write a short story about them, since I'm pretty sure this is something that has happen to more people than just me.

[AJ@PR]

Aero,

I hope you're not turned off by this, and I write this with the best intentions...

I don't think you've got to work with your friend right now...
You should work with your self.

Let her go.
Always be there for her.
Let her go.

Get some new friends...
Which is not to say you're replacing her... just "expand" your circle of friends.

Why don't you show her cooler people?
Cooler hangouts?
Better stuff to do? :)

As to the drugs... well... dude... if she wants to do it, she will do it.
I suggest you don't "reprimand" her for it, as it will be easier for her to cut you off rather than "put up with your bull****" (sorry).

I think a big part of this lies in the fact that - I think - you still like her.
Thus it pisses you off.
Rightly so.

Again, IMHO, show her a better way.
That will take time... but **** it.
Don't make it the goal of your life.
And get a girlfriend... that always helps no matter where in life you're standing.
Two are twice the fun... but there's a multiplier for the hassle. It can go over or under unity (1).
If you can nail down that 'multiplier', you can...

ermm... I wish you the very best Aero.
Glad to see people still care about friends. :)

Best wishes to you,

AJ


EDIT::: Just read your last post before posting mine...
I don't think you should snap in front of her...
IMO, that will just drive her away.

Look man, we cannot save the world... even though we try and want to.
Talk with her other friends... just don't make it backfire.
And if her other friends are in similar paths, well...
Just have a better life man... show them what can be done drugless.

BTW: Something tells me, in a couple of years, you'll be remembering this, laughing, right in the middle of a Bob Marley song... right in the middle of your college dorm...
;)

[Slug Toy]

Her life has been pretty bad, which is probably why she has gone down the path she has. I want to be able to change that

this sounds like its based directly on my definition of love. there was a thread about it a while ago, and i defined love as "caring about someone and what they do no matter what it means you have to endure" or something very close to that.

i know how this feels too. i met a girl in my geology class in the summer who's boyfriend cheated on her many many times before she found out. that sparked my "lets change this" feeling. unfortunately i havent seen her since the summer semester ended because she lives way across town... so i never got to try and put things right.

if you want to change things for this girl, you had better start it off damn near perfectly. get her attention right away, and i would suggest doing this by showing her something new. for my busy friends, i do this by taking them to a lake near here with my boat, and theres a waterfall that you can climb... usually it makes them respect a bit of down time again. you need to do something like this. take her out of her element, make her slightly uncomfortable and make her understand that things can be better if she opens up to you. for example, if she hasnt been out of town in her life, take her out of the country. if malls and stuff like that are her thing, get her away from them for a day. just do the opposite of what she does in a normal day. its been my experience as well then when people are in adverse situations, they tend to listen better.

talking to her friends is a good way to go too. maybe the group of you can coordinate something clever, providing these other friends actually care as much as you do.

[Maz]

she might just be SAD. seasonal affective disorder, pretty much winter time blues, or seasonal depression. spend some time with her, be a really nice guy, let her trust you again. you were her fallback and she didn't realise it. yeah, you might be taken for granted for caring, but if you really like her, and are worried, just be with her. Also DON'T bring up the smoking subject. people who are addicts don't like to admit it or come to terms. let it be and when she decides to take better care of herself, you will be there to help her through that as well.

you don't realize the impact you have on people close to you.

[Zephik]

Be her friend. If your doing something that is pushing her away, you need to stop. It's okay if you don't support what shes doing, but its her choice. Sometime down the road, I can almost guarantee you that she will not be how she is now. Where will you be when she decides enough is enough? You'll be by her side because you stuck around and tried to be a good friend to her all this time and she'll see that and most likely you'll both go through some kind of emotional break through and become really good friends or maybe something more. But you have to stop pushing her away, it wont do any good for either of you. She'll lose a good friend, which she will realize SOMEDAY and you'll lose any chance of being friends or anything more with her. You just have to wait it out until she matures and in the meantime, do your very best to show her that you are a nice, caring, fun guy. Go out and do stuff with her, show her that you do care about her and that she can have fun with you and not just with her "other friends". Be one of her "fall back" friends.

imo, I would listen to Slug Toy if I was in your situation, which I have been. I think he understands where you are and where you want to go with this.

[Commando]

Wow, another thread easy to let alone and watch. But I can't help but to give my two cents.

Dude, tell her how you feel and then let her do whatever she wants. It's hard as hell. Be there when she crashes and burns because they all do. Because I did. Several times.

"I had alot of friends that were into drugs." They're doing the same things they always were.

"I had alot of friends that weren't into drugs." They're ridiculously successful and are truly enjoying life. With families and huge houses and they still know how to have a good time.

Me, I've made some bad decisions but luckily they didn't screw me. Yes, for my age I consider myself ridiculously successful and lucky.

It's called growing up. We all got to do it sometime. It sucks once your there and realize you got left in the dust by everyone that still had fun but seemed to get some stuff done at the same time.

Have a good time. But don't f%^& up your life. Smoking, it's a phase. Drugs, tell her you won't talk to her again. Just like I said, be there, she'll eventually figure out who her real friends are.

[DRece]

:(I didn't read all the posts (because im lazy) but I will say this weather it makes sense or not.:(

:think:

If she is your friend, than accept her for who she is. I met some really great people who thought were really messed up in the head like nil8. Nil8 at first to me was the type of person that was big headed and smoked a lot but ended up he just puts to you in perspective of what is going on and made a choice that I came to expect cause he did not ask me to do it (He told me a way to clear the lungs but I forgot what it was). NO, Nil8 is not a bad person just bad choices in my perspective on what I choose to see in people. It took me a while to realize that everyone makes there choices and lives with them, we all have to have regret to do the things we shouldn't. I mean just think about how a case mod that went to a direction you didn't want it to, now when you try to recreate that same effect in a different mod, you will remember the regret you have from the previous trial thus perform better with a correctiveness that is needed. Now, as for the pot thing, I personally live with an ex pot smoker. She had smoked pot for a year and did stuff that does not amuse her to this day and she regrets doing it, but it is the regret that she remembers that keeps her off of it. Youth is all about the regret you earn to keep you on track I think sometimes.

If she is someone special, than I would ask her to make a choice of your friendship or her smoking, although that could go very wrong. I did ask my special person to chose and thought she would choose the addiction like I have heard others do. But, she dropped them for me and made the sacrifice for love which is cool. But, she also had the regret of past relationships. She sees something in me that I do not even see in myself, but that is alright since she find a lot of things she see in people that I have not.

Speaking from addiction, I am addicted to a "action" and was asked to stop for a bit but never succeeded. To see the object of desire in front of you all the time is not a fun thing when your triing to get your mind off of you. I guess for one to quit it would require the guts to say "No." and a reminder of "What's important to me?" but how is that possible without regret?

:think:

[Commando]

DRece

Modding is a hobby not an addiction, tell your woman your cool cuz your smart.

Just jokin. Great advice though.

[DRece]

Modding is a hobby not an addiction, tell your woman your cool cuz your smart.

:eek:I have tried that and than get an answer "Why do you have some many computer parts than? There is enough for a shop?".:eek: :DOh wait that me that said that not the wife, bummer.:D

She actually asks me "When will I be finished?", or when I break a computer while modding it "Why did you touch that it worked fine till you touch it!". LOL, usually she doesn't bother with getting answer or staying mad, because I guess she finds it is hopeless i guess.

[Commando]

That's a very philosophical question at a modding board?

When will I be finished?

[GT40_GearHead]

holly ****...!!!

man what have you goten you'r self into ?!

the only thing you can do is hold on

its been 4 years since i've had a period like this, it was similar in a way, I didn't listen to any one.
but i did not have no friends, didn't want any, i just wanted to be alone....
i would drink a botle of votka, going for days without sleep, climb on bridges, on buildings, i gues i didn't gave a **** if i go down, i'm telling you this because i've been on the other side of the baricade

so my advice to you is this: don't be the to say "what you are doing is wrong" never say this, she will say "**** this ****, you don't know me-(or)-, you don't know how it is..."

just be her "safty net", help her stand up when she falls....

and do what the other sayd, take out, show her something new

[jaxspades]

Hey man, I hope this turns out for you.

I have to agree with AJ--if you show her that you are dependent on her...that's not good. Women respect and listen to men who are independent. Let her go, take some time to gather your thoughts on this one, yet show her that y still care.

Do NOT just leave her behind. And from the sound of it, you wouldn't.

(Edit: If she leaves you behind, then move on and remember the good times, because if you continue to try and talk to her, after she has made it clear she wants to move on, you'll only make things worse...)

Again, no raging...Girls tend to hate it when guys yell and scream and rage at them...go figure.....

Just show her that you can be strong and worthy of her audience ( I think that's the word I need...)--then she'll will take it all in and it will help her.

I smoke. I HATE it when people tell me to quit. Why? Because I know they are right and it irritates me. Don't go with the truth.com approach and shove "quit,quit,quit,quit,quit" thing down her throat. Tell her that you care about her, and that n matter her choice, you'll be there to always help.

I hope there are some pearls of wisdom in there for you--Maybe not, Maybe so.....but like I said, I smoke and telling them to quit only makes them want to smoke more, to spite those who tell them to quit. I have done this, my father did it, my friends who smoke do it to--it's all a part of denying that we have a problem, I guess...

[DaveW]

It is not your duty to run to her rescue. You are placing a burden on yourself that needs not be there. If she wants to smoke, let her smoke. If you want to choose to disassociate yourself from people like that based on misinformed point of view, then that is your choice.

Listen to the dude.


If you'll excuse me, now, I need to go smoke a cigarette.

lol.

-Dave

[Aero]

Minty, I asked for your advice, you gave it to me. You spent the time to sit down and type what you think I should do, thats preciously what I asked for :). It great to here everyones side and everyones opinion, hopefully it will help me choose the right way to deal with this.

AJ@PR-
This is what I tried to do this summer. She was hanging out with many of my friends and I all summer. Talking for hours, etc. We all had a great time. I don't understand why she went back to the way she was before. Maybe its something I'll never understand. Its like taking an Conroe and going back to Northwood...just...why?

But I'm thinking this has the best chance of working in the long run.

And I do still like her, to an extent, that may play into why I care so much, but I would try to do the samething if any of my friends went down her path.

Slugtoy-
Man your just full of advice arn't ya;). Thanks man. I'm getting worried more now, she won't return my phone calls. But theres still a time I talk with her. I call her every morning (at her request) to wake her up. I feel shes dropped me dramatically on her friends list. I'm just going to have to move back up. I never really thought of "taking her out of her element". This is how I got to know her, one of the first times I really "hungout" with her was when a group of us went on a trip into the city for a day (Chicago). As for the down time..this seems true also. Again, another day that sticks out is when she and I wanted to escape the "bull****" that is highschool rumours/relationships. We just sat in her car during the rain for about an hour talking about everything, again, after this she trusted me more and talked with me more. If I can get her to talk to me again, I'm going to try to do something like this, plus its just fun for all involved :).

Also, I've talked with my friend and togather we decided to have coffee with her best friend today or Sunday. So hopefully I can learn more about her history and better speculate on her future.

Maz-
I'm going to try and spend more time with her. I'm a "hands off friend", (now you can all be shocked, yes their are still some guys who don't grope girls at every possible chance). One of the reasons for this was that we both agreed we didn't want any "akwardness" to ruin our friendship. But now I think that I may try getting close to her to show that I really do care and I'm not trying to stay away. Also the whole "I just want to be friends" speech scared me, I was more worried about loosing her than a friend than anything else, know I want to try and stop that.

Snowfire-
Thanks man, again I think thats what I'm going to try and do. I just hope she does realize her mistake, before its too late. But it really comes down to I can't help someone who doesn't want help.

Commando-

If you don't mind me asking, how did you "fall". What mde you change the way you were.

This may be abit off topic, but one of the other things that worry's me is that her family has a history of drinking problems...and smoking problems. She knows this, and often says she will be a drunk. Plus she says that people can't change. I hope she will change, I wish it oculd be without a fall, but I doubt that can happen.

DRece-

You lazy bastard:p.

I thought about asking her to choose between friendship over smoking, but I don't think that will work. Which is why I'm going to talk with her other friend too, maybe if more people than just I stand upto her, it will make a bigger impact.

Aout the addiction note, I understand this, I've heard it before. When she first started smoking she would take a friends ciggarette and smoke that, now she keeps a pack in her truck. It just like you said, if your addicted to somehting and its always there, you will do it more.

Commando & DRece (again)-



When will I be finished?

lol....

GT40_Gearhead-
Hold on like I'm driving a Tubro Haiybusa.

If you don't mind me asking, what made ou get out of your slump. It sounds like you had it bad, and I need to here from other people who have been down the other side of the road.

jaxspades-
The trick is a balance of showing your not dependent, but that you still care, without leaving her behind.

Again, no raging...Girls tend to hate it when guys yell and scream and rage at them...go figure.....

Oh the irony.


I HATE it when people tell me to quit. Why? Because I know they are right and it irritates me.

But why do people smoke even if they know its bad for them? (I'm not trying to be judgemental right now, I'm trying to understand, as with everyone else, feel free to not answer if you don't want to) It seems like the "why?" question is the worst thing to ask a smoker, but IMO its also the most logical. I'm a very logical person, if the cons out weigh the pros, I don't do something. But I also like to understand everyones view on a subject.



Thanks for the replies guys, this is why I love TBCS, everyone is able to ralk about anything...productively.

[slytherock]

But why do people smoke even if they know its bad for them? (I'm not trying to be judgemental right now, I'm trying to understand, as with everyone else, feel free to not answer if you don't want to) It seems like the "why?" question is the worst thing to ask a smoker, but IMO its also the most logical. I'm a very logical person, if the cons out weigh the pros, I don't do something. But I also like to understand everyones view on a subject.



Thanks for the replies guys, this is why I love TBCS, everyone is able to ralk about anything...productively.
At first I said to myself that I would not respond to that thread: I'm a smoker, a big alchool drinker and an ex-junky (computers helped me to go out of this, anyway, that's not the point)
Why do we smoke? It may be bad for the body, but God it's good to to satisfy a crave... I may be a slave, but I like my master. Sorry to go straight to the point, but it's probably the only good reason.

[Commando]

Aero,

All I meant by sayin I have kinda been there. I, like most had a kinda "I dumb, I gonna do what I want." period. I got in trouble a couple of times and I started regretting acting the way I would after drinking. I also regretted some of the situations I would find myself in.

I just kinda grew up. I started to find interest in other things besides going out on the town and drinking every night. The biggest thing was I started to find people that enjoyed doing the same. That dosn't mean I don't drink every once in while. But I do realize I have to be careful. Being in the military, everyone drinks, but if you get into trouble, your career is done. It's a fine line.

The biggest thing is don't stress over it. Whatever is going to happen is most likely nothing you can change.

It really is important to let people know how you feel and let them make their own decisions.

[Durrthock]

Hey man, I hope this turns out for you.


Again, no raging...Girls tend to hate it when guys yell and scream and rage at them...go figure.....



Why does that have to be what we do best. :(

[javafiend]

You know, in my humble opinion, I think the best thing you can do is just be her friend, not her savior. That may be one reason why she hasn't been talking to you the way she used too. Getting on her about smoking, drinking, etc. may sound like her parents instead of her friend. She has probably been hanging out with this guy and new "friends" because they haven't been judgemental. Everyone goes through a phase. Sometimes they last longer than others, but the best thing you can do is just to be there.

Try hanging out with her and her other friends sometime. That way you have more to base your opinions on them besides the fact that they drink, smoke, or smoke pot. They are people just like you and have problems that they are dealing with as well and have found like-minded people that are probably in similar situations and are acceptant of them.

I wish you and your friend the best.

Oh yeah, I am a parent, a smoker, and a person. I've lived life and enjoyed life and some of the most interesting people I've met are some of the most messed up people. If they had the motivation, they could be the next Hemingway if they wanted to.

[armadilloben]

At first I said to myself that I would not respond to that thread: I'm a smoker, a big alchool drinker and an ex-junky (computers helped me to go out of this, anyway, that's not the point)
Why do we smoke? It may be bad for the body, but God it's good to to satisfy a crave... I may be a slave, but I like my master. Sorry to go straight to the point, but it's probably the only good reason.

uhhhh whats a junkie? is it like drug related???

[slytherock]

Junky Link (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/junky) I may have tke a lot of drugs, but I'm not brain dead :D

[slytherock]

:D :D LMAO :D :D Nice one :up:

[GT40_GearHead]

god damn it, some one please slap over the head, and stop me from posting when its 2 AM

hell even I can't understand what i was talking, not to mention you guys

[Aero]

Hey guys. Thanks for the excellent posts:up: .


I had coffee with one of her best friends last night. We talked about this alot. It was alot of sharing stories about when things were happening, what has happend before, and what we can do to help her.

To spare me from typing everything out since I have a 5 page paper due tomorrow I have yet to start, things make a lot more sense. It seems she started this stuff as her to best friends (me and this other girl) got busy and were no longer there for her. She tried reaching out to both of us but we were too busy to notice or deal with it at the time (god I sound like a parent in a cheap movie). And apparently she holds me in higher regard than I had thought, which is kinda a confidence boost that I have been doing something right as a friend. Simply she turned to me when her other friend...lets call the friend "Tina" for sake of story telling. Tina had here own problems she needed to attend to, and was nolonger there for her, she turned to me, but I started getting busy so I wasn't their either, so she turned to her other "friends". Looking back and comparing stories there were a lot of "Oh wow.." or "Oh crap.." moments. Basically neither of us worried that much about her, Tina thought "Well, she has him" and I figured "Well she has her", so lack of communication was a problem here :p. Talking with Tina it was hard to not get in the "Its my fault" state of mind, but we both agreed its not important how we got here, but where we go from here that matters. So we are both going to sit down and talk with her soon, and reasure her that we are there for her, we want whats best for her, and let her know that life can be fun without drugs (thanks to AJ@PR, Slugtoy, Snowfire, any anyone else for suggesting this, we both liked the idea and think its our best bet).

So thanks again to everyone, I'll try to keep you all upto date with the happenings.

EDIT:

Wow, this is the creepiest Rep message ever.


we need to talk, find a safe place, we are watched.....

Sorry if whoever didn't want that out, but I nearly died laughing. But I'll hit ya up soon, PM/email me if needed. But damn, thats a scary rep comment :p.