Home Security...

[GT40_GearHead]

HOW TO INSTALL A HOME SECURITY SYSTEM

1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 Work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, A copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads: Hey Bubba, Big Jim, Duke and Slim, I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.

PS - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.

[xRyokenx]

ROFL!!! I"ll have to do that when I get my own house in the woods or wherever... that's pretty much what the rednecks around here have (as far as I know anyway)... do not piss off a redneck, baaaaad idea, lol.

[GT40_GearHead]

so the redneck thing is true lol daaaamn :D

[XcOM]

i LOVE it, will have to try that one day. I just the the sticker

"WARNING, DOG ON PREMISES"

[Aero]

Haha, thats so true. +Rep from the backwoods of the US

[xRyokenx]

I'm curious, do you make these things up or do you find them somewhere?

[Redundant]

LOL at your security system, GT40


I just the the sticker

"WARNING, DOG ON PREMISES"
The best part is when the dog turn out to be a poodle!

[Airbozo]

LOL at your security system, GT40


The best part is when the dog turn out to be a poodle!

...or a tape recording of a BIGGER dog...

[CanaBalistic]

Thats a good one.

I find that a caution sign works aswell.
http://i66.photobucket.com/albums/h258/Cana-Balistic/6181192_tp.jpg

It helps if you pile up a mound of dirt like a grave and stick in a wood cross that reads "Attemped Home Invastion #1"

[public_eyesore]

oldie but goodie

[Eclecticos]

Pump Shotti. Real Protection.

[GT40_GearHead]

I'm curious, do you make these things up or do you find them somewhere?




i found it somewhere and saved it in a doc lol
whenever i find one a put in there :D

[xRyokenx]

Oh, lol... I'll do the same if I ever come across one.

[GT40_GearHead]

not wanting to start another thread....


A senior citizen in Texas bought a brand new Corvette. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind flowing through his hair through the open top. "This is great," he thought as he roared down the Texas Interstate. He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a State Trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph.

Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing." He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him.

The trooper pulled in behind the Corvette and walked up to the man. "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a Texas State Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," said the Trooper.

[B1Gtime]

lol, nice one

[xRyokenx]

Flat out hilarious. I like how he's just like "Oh, I'm too old for this" and pulls off the side of the road. Good stuff.

[Eclecticos]

not wanting to start another thread....


A senior citizen in Texas bought a brand new Corvette. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind flowing through his hair through the open top. "This is great," he thought as he roared down the Texas Interstate. He pushed the pedal to the metal even more. Then he looked in his rear view mirror and saw a State Trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him with no problem" thought the man and he tromped it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph. Then 110, 120 mph.

Then he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing." He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him.

The trooper pulled in behind the Corvette and walked up to the man. "Sir," he said, looking at his watch. "My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

The man looked at the trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a Texas State Trooper, and I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, Sir," said the Trooper.

LMAO :D :D +Rep to you. That was a good one.

[Luke122]

I once saw a sign saying:

If you trespass, watch for flying objects.. they contain lead. (picture of a bullet)

:D

[Zephik]

lol oh dear god... that was hilarious. Good find GT40!

[Kristofisis]

Ha! I have to write an English asst on that. ROFL. Nice find on both the posts:D:D

[GT40_GearHead]

you know what, don't even click it, its golf, don't do it, i don't know what got into me, you hear me, don't click it, its a waste ! (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=3636435540043947603)

[Drum Thumper]

Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden, eh?

Great find!

[GT40_GearHead]

Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden, eh?

Great find!


you know, i think you are right lol

I laughed my ass off when i first watched it !

[Commando]

That was pretty strong. +Rep

The boots part is what I thought was the funniest. I'm gonna have to forward this to some buddies.

[GT40_GearHead]

time for a lawyer joke

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two
men along the roadside eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to
investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have
to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you,"
the lawyer said.

"But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over
there, under that
tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor
man he stated, "You come with us, also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also
have a wife and SIX children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as
large as the limousine was.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and
said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with
you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place.
The grass is almost a foot high."

[xRyokenx]

Hilarious, and not unlike how people are in today's society, lol.

[Canadian Eh?]

Okay, I want to put one in now! Here goes!

A robber is about to break into a house. He sneaks across the garden.

He suddenly hears a voice. "God is watching you." He moves on.

He hears it again. "God is watching you."

He walks near an open window and sees a parrot. The parrot says, "God is watching you."

"Ha! what a joke. Your owner must be an idiot!"

The parrot replies, "Well it's the same idiot who named his rotweiler 'God'.

I have a few more if anyone wants me to post them also...

[GT40_GearHead]

bloody fook mate =))


post away

[GT40_GearHead]

One time I finished an engine rebuild on a 72 Camaro w/396 BBC. Got her all buttoned up and looked over in the corner and saw the torque convertor laying on the floor.....

[Redundant]

One time I finished an engine rebuild on a 72 Camaro w/396 BBC. Got her all buttoned up and looked over in the corner and saw the torque convertor laying on the floor.....
That'd be funny if I knew what a torque converter was. :rolleyes:

[GT40_GearHead]

ROFL !!!

basically is a piece that link the engine to the trannsmition

not putting it in means you have to remove a lot of stuff you just mounted

[GT40_GearHead]

Q: I've heard that putting a coupe on a pedestal type lift can crack or damage the roof panel. I've heard it suggested that when using a pedestal lift the hood be opened, the doors opened, the hatch opened and the roof panel removed. I see no warnings or precautions mentioned in the owners manual or the FSM. Has anyone experienced damage from putting their car on a lift?

A: I put Viagra in the gas tank. It makes the whole body stiff.

[Helix666]

http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t293/James_Penk/no_tresspassing.jpg

Heh... An old one, but still funny.

[xRyokenx]

Heh heh, good stuff.

[mercerman318]

helix666 beat me to it. i love that one

[GT40_GearHead]

story by an ex Vulcan Bomber (British Nuclear Deterrant)navigator......

At home he heard the doorbell go, answered the door and was confronted by a person touting for CND (Controlled Nuclear Disarmement campaign).

"Sir what would you do if the bomb dropped?" was the question....
... after a short pause came the reply....
"Close bomb bay doors, retrim the aircraft and then head for home.."
... the CND activist was left speachless as the front door closed in front of him.

[Helix666]

story by an ex Vulcan Bomber (British Nuclear Deterrant)navigator......

At home he heard the doorbell go, answered the door and was confronted by a person touting for CND (Controlled Nuclear Disarmement campaign).

"Sir what would you do if the bomb dropped?" was the question....
... after a short pause came the reply....
"Close bomb bay doors, retrim the aircraft and then head for home.."
... the CND activist was left speachless as the front door closed in front of him.

lmao!

"By the time you see the flash... it's already too late!" :eek:

[haha49]

LOL at your security system, GT40


The best part is when the dog turn out to be a poodle!

man i met some really nasty poodles.. they arnt nice dogs if you piss them off.. they can hurt more then most dogs too..