I Need to Talk About Something....

[TheGreatSatan]

Have you ever felt like it's all over? Life as a whole I mean....

I have this lingering feeling that whatever I am supposed to do on this planet has been accomplished and it's only a matter of time before I'm gone. I'm not at all suicidal or anything and I'd love to stay with my children forever, but the feeling still remains.

Not being at all religious and NOT believing in an afterlife, keeps me constanly thinking of what's to come...

I watch a bunch of different shows about Psychics, ghost hunting and the paranormal. It's only normal for the human mind to make the connection between life and TV and make it more personal. The brain is tricky like that. Things like dust and reflections can make the brain create faces leaving many people thinking that they've witnessed a ghost or something. But it's just the brain. I keep wondering if my constant inner struggle is a result of TV or if there really is something to be said of it. Maybe I'm a tad bit psychic too or maybe I'm just crazy...

It affects my modding too. I have two projects waiting downstairs collecting dust with others in my head and I'm just not interested in getting to them.

It actually really pisses me off that if I do die at any point in time that there's no one to tell all my forum buddies. My wife won't, so who will?

Just thinking out loud this time. ;)

[Bucko]

It actually really pisses me off that if I do die at any point in time that there's no one to tell all my forum buddies. My wife won't, so who will?



Leave an instruction in your Will along with URLs to the sites.

[DaJe]

I've online wondered, if anything happened to me, how would all my online friends know? I talk to people more online than face to face (webcams don't count as face to face). It's just my lifestyle.

[jdbnsn]

What you are describing sound alot like the symptoms of depression. Maybe you should pay your doc a visit and ask him/her?

[TheGreatSatan]

I'm not depressed, although I do have dreams about killing people....

[Crazy Buddhist]

What you are describing sound alot like the symptoms of depression. Maybe you should pay your doc a visit and ask him/her?

Good call jon :up:

It also sounds like what used to be called a mid-life crisis which is really a form of depression too. And It's important to remember that depression "ain't no bad thing" - it is a signpost to a need for change in your life - which you already seem to be aware of. It becomes, or can become, a VERY BIG BAD THING if you don't pay attention early.

This sense you are experiencing is really common. Don't just go and see the doc and take some happy pills though because you probably really need to take a long slow gentle look at your life and see what new directions it is demanding from you.

You say you aren't suicidal and that means that taking pills is unlikely to be the best solution. Taking pills can help lift your mood but you need to get inside yourself and find those questions that niggle - we all have them.

Life is a journey and it is our own desires and choices that are the biggest factor in determining the quality of that journey for us. Your mind seems to be asking you to look again and see if there are some new choices you need to make or some old ones you need to discard. That's my interpretation of "depression" and living with it for a long time I can say that approach is more beneficial to me that pills: It gets me thinking about what I can do :)

So like Jon said, if these feelings continue, find someone you can talk to about it - maybe start with your doctor - but not just for pills - talk to someone who can stand back a bit and help you look at your life and work out what choices you have.

Big up for putting it out here (talking about such feelings is always the beginning of dealing with them) and best wishes. If you want to discuss anything I've written here feel free to PM me if you think it might help.

And remember if your life was over you wouldn' know about it so it can't be :)

CrazyB

[DaJe]

I say + rep for some good advice!

[SgtM]

Jon might be on to something and CrazyB and Commando have some really good advice. That certainly sounds a lot like what I went through.

Not only was I depressed, I had anxiety really bad. This was back in late 2002 and lasted through early 2003. I was taking ativan like it was my job. I kept waiting and waiting everyday.. maybe I'll die today. Maybe it will be tomorrow. Where will I be? Who will call my wife? What will the baby do.. she hardly knew me. Maybe it will be a heart attack, maybe I have an annurism and it's about to pop, maybe I'll fall off of the next telephone pole that I climb. I even had a customer call 911 for me because I thought I was having chest pains while I was installing his cable.

Even though the source is a chemical imbalance, depression and anxiety do effed up things to you physically.

It got real bad. I really didn't care about anything at that time. Computers, family, music. I was just numb to everything. Nothing made me content.

I finally figured it out that the war (still in it's early stages) was the source. I had only been discharged since 2000, and BOTH of my units were on the ground gettin some, and also taking casualties. I felt that I left my brothers in arms behind, and they were dissappointed in me. After I finally figured out that my job here with my family was more important, I was able to stop the meds, and return to a bit of normalcy. I still get anxious now and then, but it doesn't get out of control like before. If you ever need to talk to someone, I'm here dude. I'll even PM you my phone number if you want it.

Semper Fi

[Crazy Buddhist]

I recognise a serious statement when I read it.

Dude, it's time to talk to someone besides us..............................

If your having problems. PM me, someone else, or start looking for some pro level counciling. Even professionals shouldn't be having dreams like that...

Commando I'm fully in agreement with everything you say however I have dreams about killing people. I am not going to kill anyone because I recognise it would not help me. Behind such dreams there always lays justifiable anger and there is a need to get to the root of the anger and deal with the issues behind it in ways that are more constructive than killing somneone. I do not think this statement should be taken as a statement of intent I think it is an indication of how much unprocessed tension and anger is behind the scenes boiling up.

That TheGreatSatan is saying it indicates he is very unlikely to act on it. The Crazies who act on it don't tell. They start stashing weapons, making plans, practicing their bravado and repeatedly justifying their intentions over and over in their heads programming the rightness of what they intend to do.

I agree that TheGreat needs to make changes in his life and the first one could be finding the right person to talk to. In my experience that is not likely to be a doctor, Psych or therapist in the first instance.

We all have real world friends we can be honest with. And whatever our circumstances we can all take a break and find a way to go to Mexico for a month and lay on a beach and wonder about who we are. Either of these is often more productive than seeing a doctor. I'm not saying don't see one but do the other things first.

CrazyB

[Crimson Sky]

As we get older we all come to grips with our mortality, and often have feelings and thoughts of our own end. It's when we're younger that we think we'll live forever. It's natural and nothing to fear.

[Eclecticos]

I'm not depressed, although I do have dreams about killing people....

Thats what sends my day sometimes into a downward spiral waking up after a bad dream. . I begin to think about what happened in the dream and it kinda curbs my day into the dumpster.

Have had some morbid dreams myself. Try turning on a fan or kick the AC on low before you goto bed.
I've had significantly less bad dreams with a cooler, quieter sleeping environment.

I'm sure your fine. . and will probably outlive all of us.

[Luke122]

I've also had much more relaxed dreams since I gave up caffeine.. try cutting down (or eliminating) your intake, and you'll likely reduce your stress by a noticeable amount.

Also, I think you've already made the first step by voicing your thoughts in here. We are all hoping that things that work out for you, and it's good to know that so many people care for your wellbeing. :)

[jdbnsn]

Many folks with depression are not aware that they are depressed, IMO it is worth at least having an evaluation to consider antidepressants along with a short chat with a therapist. I've needed one several times. Another thing that may help you feel better is some form of community service, helping out a few people in need tends to boost your feeling of meaning. There is no higher purpose than service to others.

[nil8]

I will agree with the feelings related to helping others. I love helping others and allowing them to grow as people.

This is my personal opinion, but I was a troubled child, youth, and young adult. I went through a few therapists and have been on antidepressants and anti psychotics and nothing ever made things better. It just repressed or maintained some status quo.

I've only ever found myself to become better through willed change & commitment. It is difficult and many people require some form of therapy to be able to gain the tools and work through these changes and solidifying them in themselves.
I don't. It's not a basic refusal, it's using the system and finding it ultimately lacking in what I need to make myself who I want to be. So I continually seek out systems that do what I want.

Violent imagery shouldn't be repressed or denied no matter if it's during sleep or being awake. The root of it must be understood before it will stop. There are reasons you are having this.

The first step is letting these things out to people you trust. Talk to your family & friends about this. Listen to them. See what they have to say.
If you choose to seek professional help, it doesn't make you weak. It makes you normal.
If you don't have the right tool to do something, you find it or borrow it. That's all therapy is. Giving people the tools they need to help them work through their issues. Sometimes this is alone, sometimes it's not.

Put off your pending projects or unimportant things TGS. Making yourself mentally healthy and stable means much more to you, your friends and loved ones than any computer, car, or other hobby.

You have my best wishes. Good luck, and if you want someone to listen or talk to who has lived with a lot of what you're describing, I'd be willing to help.

[Slug Toy]

i dont want to sound like a parrot, but i recognize this issue too because i had a three month struggle with similar things. i think it all comes down to change. the first step, like everyone says, is recognizing the problem. after that, you have to figure out whats pissing you off, because theres usually something. for me it was school. then the next step is changing that thing, and for me the solution so far has been a semester off.

change may or may not be easy. it depends on how strong you are. i feel like im a fairly mentally strong person... aside from being just plain mental sometimes. for me it didnt take antidepressants, or expensive trips to a psychiatrist. like i said, i just took a semester off and told myself i was tired of not wanting to wake up in the morning. so if you think you're a strong person, you can try it my way, but theres no guarantee it will work. sometimes you need more help.

another thing i should note is that from my experience, you dont often recover 100%. even though i feel better than i did 5 months ago, im still not quite right. i just dont get pleasure or excitement out of the things i used to. everything is just a mild amusement at best. usually all i can hope for is to feel content, but it lasts for a while so its a trade off. a short period of exhilaration versus an extended period of feeling content. ill take the latter i think, because im generally a mellow person.

so to sum it up... it cant be summed up very easily. the mind is a complex thing, and different approaches work for different people. i think crazybuddhist is right in that you should take a good look at yourself and have a good ponder. it may take an hour, it may take a week before you figure things out. it may take more than just you. all in all, though, i think that should be the next move.

[jdbnsn]

I agree that meds are not always the answer, but they can be very helpful in some cases. Keep in mind that people who do not respond to typical antidepressants often have a subtle form of type II Bipolar disorder, I'm not saying that you do but it's a possibility. I myself have been treated for depression with no results, but medication for Bipolar depression has been very helpful. Another thing I would recommend is reading inspiring books, I suggest taking a look into Stephen Covey's "The 7 Habits Of Hight Effective People" The book is actually geared toward business management techniques but really covers a great deal of very insiteful takes on personality and spirituality without refence to religion. It made me feel alot better when I read it.

[Slug Toy]

holy crap, i completely forgot about the whole inspirational aspect. that is HUGE.

yes reading does help, if you like reading. id also suggest searching for new music. i now have a HUGE connection with the entire album the thirteenth step by a perfect circle. its not necessarily inspirational in tone, but its damn complex and immersing. as far as im concerned, its about as refined as rock can get. ive spent many hours just deconstructing the songs and lyrics, isolating and appreciating individual instruments, and getting lost in the emotions it brings up. it got me through some tough times and late nights.

[jdbnsn]

That's appropriate, The Thirteenth Step is themed around recovery. (obviously a play on the 12 steps in AA, but can be applied to recovering from any problem).

[TheGreatSatan]

I've never heard of Perfect Circle. Anyway, I know what'll make me feel better, I'm gonna have another contest. ;)

In the meantime I'll go back to Ephedrine....

[xRyokenx]

Well... good luck with it all, I feel as though I'm in the clear from a recent "disaster" but I also have this haunting suspicion that I'm not... I still have some recent wounds that have not yet healed, and are bothering me quite a bit. Complex things too... I'm not sure about all of it yet, after a little bit more thinking I'll try to find a solution, as I could thinkn forever and not be certain that I've come to the right solution...

But yeah, enough of me "rambling" lol... good luck with the contest and everything.

-Anthony

[jaxspades]

Unless it's a chemical imbalance, DON'T TAKE DRUGS.
You don't need them unless these feelings are truly caused by a chemical imbalance in your nerve cells....man, I hope I'm not wrong, but has anyone else noticed that we have a drug for darn every problem?

Anywho, here's my advice, and it's on the other side of the spectrum from everyone else--pick up a bible. I have weird feelings too, mainly depression from loneliness. I find that it helps a lot when I read God's Word. But, that's me--I know that does not work for everyone. I remember you had said you didn't believe in an afterlife and things of that sort, but if you ever change your mind, and have a few questions about it, drop me a PM.

Otherwise, therapy I guess is good, if you have a few hours and a few hundred dollars in your wallet; otherwise, just have a long one-on-one chat with a close friend. Who knows--you might find the solution you're looking for.

Hope everything goes well--sounds like you are having a rough time and I don't envy you of that...God's blessings in the future.

[jdbnsn]

pick up a bible.

Ummm, you do realize that he is in a way religious, member of the Church of Satan holmes.

[jaxspades]

Ah...I see...fair enough...consider foot in mouth.
Well, search your religion then, see what you find.
Man, I guess I need to get to know everyone better before shelling out advise...or stop skimming.

Sorry.

[jdbnsn]

I'm sure there is no offense taken, your heart was in the right place.

[nil8]

Ummm, you do realize that he is in a way religious, member of the Church of Satan holmes.

All the more reason to pick up the Bible.

I'm also a Satanist of a sort.

Blegh, I won't turn this into a religious debate.

Ok, the biggest problem with therapy is trusting who you're talking to. Before you can expose yourself you must trust that person. That's a hard nut to crack. That's why you should start with family and friends and see what they have to say because they probably either haven't said anything. People who are close to you know when something is wrong more often than we like to think. Call it intuition.

[Crazy Buddhist]

Ok, the biggest problem with therapy is trusting who you're talking to. Before you can expose yourself you must trust that person. That's a hard nut to crack. That's why you should start with family and friends and see what they have to say because they probably either haven't said anything. People who are close to you know when something is wrong more often than we like to think. Call it intuition.

Spot on and exactly why I said "I agree that TheGreat needs to make changes in his life and the first one could be finding the right person to talk to. In my experience that is not likely to be a doctor, Psych or therapist in the first instance." earlier on.

CrazyB

[TheGreatSatan]

That's why you should start with family and friends and see what they have to say because they probably either haven't said anything.

Opening a thread is one thing, but I will not press my problems on family or others. Also, I don't consider Ephedrine a drug, it's more of a Mountain Dew Pill. :D

[jdbnsn]

Mountain Dew Pill

Lol! Just be sure you don't have high blood pressure first dude.

[Airbozo]

....must....resist....religious...flame...war...




OK, brain, that hurt... What I really mean to say is, it's all the same religion, different spelling. But it can help no matter what deity (or none) you turn to for answers. It may help to talk with someone that is a member of the religious organization you prefer.

Talking is the real key. Once it is all laid out, you can step back and look at it from a different angle. And yes I agree that it is hardest to talk with family until you get a better handle on what is really causing the feelings. Family has a way of turning things around on you (good or bad). You need an impartial person to hear you and take note of specific clues to common feelings and angst. Good luck!

[Slug Toy]

yep, talking can be therapeutic. its awesome to talk, if for no other reason than to vent frustration. a lot of my friends (particularly if they happen to be a girl) talk to me because i listen, and they can basically rant for a good half hour about whats pissing them off in life. most of the time all it takes is for them to say that stuff, but occasionally i can help with a solution, and thats even better.

[lukeisthecoolest]

hell i am on this forum 24/7!

if i am gone from this forum for more than three days i am probably dead :(

i give Hell's Regect to Crimson
Dangerously 1337 to Bucko
and OPP to Purdy

there is my will! do wat u want!