Cat Vs. Dog

enjoy :smoker:

"Excerpts from a Dog's Diary"

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

"Excerpts from a Cat's Diary"

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event.
However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now .

Bwahahahah.. nice!!

Lol +rep so true with cats. I think more they think we are there slaves rather then their captors.

Quote:

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Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

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HahaHahaHahAahaa!!!

I don't have any cats.
Had dogs all my life.
Lots of dogs. I love dogs.

Cats are curious animals.
I once read that cats are just one evolutionary step away from leaping up and eating us.

Cool read!

That was great. I have both cats and dogs, it is so true.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor,,,,, the following is a real log report of problems and solutions.

Everytime a pilot complains an engineer is required to do this --

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=--=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

P = the problem logged by the pilot.
S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.

P - Left inside main trye almost needs replacement. S - Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P - Test flight OK, except Autoland very rough. S - Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P - No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid. S - Seepage normal, Nos. 1, 3 and 4 propellers lack normal seepage.

P - Something loose in cockpit. S - Something tightened in cockpit.

P - Dead bugs on windshield. S - Live bugs on backorder.

P - Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200-fpm descent. S - Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P - Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S - Evidence removed.

P - DME volume unbelievably loud. S - Volume set to more believable level.

P - Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S - That's what they are there for!

P - IFF inoperative. S - IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P - Suspected crack in windscreen. S - Suspect you're right.

P - Number 3 engine missing. S - Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P - Aircraft handles funny. S - Aircraft warned to "Straighten up, Fly Right, and Be Serious."

P - Target radar hums. S - Reprogrammed target radar with words.

P - Mouse in cockpit. S - Cat installed.

This stuff is great!