i might be gone for a while

Just got home from the medical center.

The good news:

My sister's become more responsive. Poking her ear, rubbing her shoulders, touching her and talking to her make her eyes move (Although they're still closed), but she is responding. Also, we talked to her and she began to tear up. This is all very good news. Basically now she's just asleep. The respirator isn't helping her as much as her nervous system has taken back over, and as I said she's responding to sensory inputs.

On a somewhat related note, I visited my school today.

The amount of support I saw was amazing and I was actually shocked. The entire school knows (my sister is a former student there) and they all know her too, and most of them are on good terms with me. I didn't even get three feet from my car before a crowd of ~10-15 people basically mauled me with hugs. It was simply amazing.

The bad (but not extremely so) news:

I almost got hit in a car accident on the way home. I don't even completely remember what happened but I know it involved a big rig stopping abruptly in the lane next to us and my dad getting us away just before the traler hit us. Somebody else wasn't as fortunate and ran into the back of the truck then got hit again from the back, their car was totalled but they were fine. My dad called the police and helped the guy who got hit to get his car off of the freeway (and almost got hit 4 times in the process), and then we were on our way. But man, that shook me up bad. I had to walk it off kind of bad. Had my dad not reacted as abruptly as he did, and I wouldn't be talking to you all now (I'd be alive, but probably at some hospital or something).

So despite being a little shook up, I'm still alive and well. But god damn, it feels like the world is coming down all around me. First my sister and today, almost me, too.

Now if you will all excuse me, I am going to go take a long, hot shower, and go to sleep. God knows I deserve it.

-Omega

Holy crap, glad you're alright dude. Progbuddy and I were on the way to my house one day to try to get Linux or something to work on my PC and almost got in a wreck... we were just chatting and out of nowhere this dude coming towards us goes to cut across the road and make a left. I reflexively swerved to the right and went to honk the horn (but accidentally put the turn signal on) and it took a couple seconds for what almost happened to sink in. People are dangerous in their giant metal bullets, a good many probably should not drive as they cut through small gaps and tailgate and overall have no patience. It's all "rush rush rush" and no care taken to do things right and safely. That or people are overworked and tired and can't focus on driving as well...
/rant-debate-thingy

Very glad that your sister's doing better, that's awesome.

May your sister make a swift and full recovery.

That's fantastic news about your sister responding and on the way to being back to normal. I don't pray, but my thoughts and hopes are with you and your sister.

Like many others here, I will keep your sister and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Here's hoping for a full and speedy recovery.

Oh god.

We found out something. She's not been in a coma. She never was. She's what the doctors call "Trapped In", where her brain can think just fine and her body is fine but the two can't communicate well. The portion of her brain that had the clot ended up having a stroke so she can't control some parts of her body.

Now, the real problem here is this: Nobody has any idea where to go from here. It could get better, it could get worse or it could stay the same. What's worse is if she doesn't change her condition. She can't speak, they only know that she's in there by telling her to move her eye up for yes and down for no then asking her yes and no questions. The doctors did that and she got all but one or two questions right about what happened over the past two days. As you can probably imagine (and I can only), She's probably terrified because she does know that she's not well and she does know what's going on.

So there's a few different paths from here. The part of the brain that had a stroke might not be dead. If it isn't, bringing her into a drug induced coma so the brain can rest would be the most reasonable option, and speed her recovery greatly. If that part of the brain IS dead, it'll take a lot of time to get her to the point where we can even care for her outside of the hospital.

Because she can answer yes or no questions, my mom asked the doctors to ask Sara the following question:

"If you stay like this (this being the "trapped in" dealio), would you want to stay alive?"

Now. My mom does NOT have to do what my sister says, however my mom has told me that if Sara does not want to live, she will not force her.



All this is very hard to cope with, to be honest. She's heard everything. She's felt everything. She's thinking normally, but can't move most of her body. Kind of like being covered in saran wrap.


What we're looking at here could be such a broad array of things that for the most part I can't even imagine what it's like for her. On one end of the spectrum, she might prove everybody wrong and make a full recovery (although it's nigh impossible due to the stroke). She could end up getting to the point where my mom could care for her at home. She could end up staying just like she is now, needing life support to stay alive, or she could end up dead.

I'll be completely honest here, too. For her sake, I don't know which one would be best. Thank god I'm not at liberty to decide, because I wouldn't be able to.

-Omega

Omega,

In the early days of this kind of injury things can change rapidly. The body and mind can work around very significant injury. My thoughts are with you and your family and your sister - you are right for her this must be terrifying. That she is awake and able to comprehend and respond is a good thing.

The body will shut down to an extent in order to recover and the doctors may be able to assist in this with different treatment options. She certainly seems to be getting the best medical care.

Try to keep hold of some sense of calm inside yourself, for your own sanity, but also because when you are with her this will be very helpful for her and you - as you said she is aware of what is going on around her and she will pick up on the state of mind of those around her.

Life is very random and tough and even cruel at times - and we all suffer the same feelings of hurt, fear and pain. Keep on in there dude.

Matthew

Trust me Matthew, aside from the few moments when my mind manifests the bad possibilities (which isn't often), I'm relatively calm and collected, if not almost too calm. People tend to think I'm high because I am so calm most of the time.

And usually, I really am optimistic. But knowing that Sara is there, alive and cognitive, brings a whole new level to the game. It's no longer what's best for her medically, but what she wants and with the state of things, what's best both medically and for her.

Anywho, I am going back to the hospital tomorrow. Now that I know she's there and can hear us and comprehend it just fine, I have a lot of catching up to do. There's a lot of things that I want to say to her that I haven't yet.

Omega,

I'm glad to hear you are so and meant no offence. I apologise if that came over as patronising - it was written from a sense of compassion.

It is easy to get caught in negative loops of thinking so I have no doubt your stability of mind in this sense will be a great help to Sara whatever the outcome and whatever her wishes.

Matthew

The brain can slowly adapt to things gone wrong. I hope all goes well, if you need someone to talk to, just let us know. I can even phone you if you'd prefer someone with a voice.