Funny emails! Got a few? Post em in here!

[crenn]

Stella Awards 2009

It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's in New Mexico, where she purchased coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right? That' s right, these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy!
Here are the Stellas for the past year:

* SEVENTH PLACE *
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son!

Start scratching!


* SIXTH PLACE *
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

Scratch some more...


* FIFTH PLACE *

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, note, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching. There are more....

Double hand scratching after this one.


* FOURTH PLACE *

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

Pick a new spot to scratch, you're getting a bald spot..


* THIRD PLACE *

Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania because a jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. Whatever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?

Only two more so ease up on the scratching....


* SECOND PLACE *

Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000.....oh, plus dental expenses. Go figure!

OK. Here we go!!


* FIRST PLACE *

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma , who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down?
$1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.


Are we, as a society, getting more stupid.... or are more members of Congress serving on juries these days ?

[xRyokenx]

Hahaha that's pretty hilarious.

[billygoat333]

that just made me sick, because its true. lol

I seriously think that humanity is doomed.

Idiocracy anyone? lol

[Twigsoffury]

I'd of shot Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania the second i discovered him in my home drinking my pepsi.

Can't sue from a Casket.

Damn i love oklahoma and its home invasion laws.



"I got a Big Shotgun, and i'm gonna use it"

[xRyokenx]

Idiocracy scared me. I thought a few of the jokes and stuff they had were funny, but I couldn't finish watching it.

[luciusad2004]

I get disgustingly angry when i hear about lawsuits like this. These companies are effectively victims of human stupidity. Giant corporations like mc donals can handle this but smaller companies might not have the funds to pay rediculous fees like this.

Sometimes i think we protect the weaker of our race to much and that this is the ultimate result. It makes me so sad to think that this will only get worse as i get older.

[msmrx57]

Modern society has effectively banned natural selection.

[knowledgegranted]

Guten Tag,

Bei allem Respekt und maximale Verständnis, ist es mein Wunsch, Ihnen mitzuteilen, dass ich einen vertraulichen Vorschlag für you.I hoffe, ich kann Ihnen als Partner Vertrauen mit mir, dies zu erreichen.

Bevor wir fortfahren, möchte ich mich vorstellen, Sie, ich bin Col.Timothy Reese der Kommandeur der Special Purpose Marine Air-Ground Task Force mit den Vereinten Nationen Truppen im Irak, auf den Krieg gegen den Terrorismus.

Ich habe nun in unserem Besitz die Summe von USD 9,2 Mio., die von einem unserer Angriffe auf Terroristen geborgen wurde hier Lagern im Irak, weil sie behalten den größten Teil ihres Geldes zu Hause für das Böse Tätigkeiten, die sie normalerweise durch illegale Angebote, die Sie auf Rohöl.

Basierend auf dem Leid, das wir erfahren hier einige von uns treffen so viel Glück. Es geschah, daß in unserem letzten Angriff letzte Woche haben wir eines der terroristischen starke Basis hier im Irak überfallen und erholten wir uns diese gewaltige Summe. Dieses Feld des Geldes wurden mit dem Roten Kreuzes hier in Baghdd hinterlegt ihnen mitzuteilen, dass Kontakte sind für ihre sichere Aufbewahrung und Kontakte zu knüpfen für die ordnungsgemäße Verwendung erfolgt ist. Als Teamleiter ist es unter meiner Macht zu genehmigen, wer kommt weiter für dieses Geld.

Also ich brauche jemanden, den ich mit viel Vertrauen und das ist, warum ich dich kontaktiert. Wenn Sie so zu akzeptieren, werde ich Sie nach vorn, als der Empfänger Put / Eigentümer der Gelder und verschieben Sie dann das Geld für Sie in Europa. Als militärisches Personal kann ich nicht Parade einen solchen Betrag oder tragen sie nach Amerika, damit ich brauche jemanden Gegenwart als beneficiary.I nur Ihr Einverständnis benötigen, und alles ist done.I haben eine 100% authentische Mittel zur Übertragung des Geldes auf diplomatischem Kurier für Sie in Europa.

Sobald ich bestätigen, Ihr Interesse an meiner proposaland positiven Ihrer Antwort werde ich gehen, um Ihren Namen, wie der Empfänger zu registrieren

Wenn Sie interessiert sind, dann lassen Sie mich wissen, damit ich gehen kann, die Sendung in Ihrem Namen mit der Zeit Register ist sehr wichtig für mich. Ich tue dies auf Vertrauen, sollten Sie verstehen, dass als ausgebildeter Militärexperte Ich werde immer vorsichtig in meinen Verhandlungen so alles intakt ist. Dieses Geld ist mein Leben und ich bin bereit, Ihnen 30% der Gesamtsumme, wenn das Geld wird Ihnen geliefert. Ich warte auf Ihre Antwort, so gehen wir sofort. In weniger als 7 Tage sollte das Geld in Ihrer Verwahrung.

Die einzige Telefonanschluss wir haben, ist Funkspruch, die für unsere allgemeinen Gebrauch und wird überwacht, so dass alle Kommunikation per E-Mail werden, bis wir unsere Aufgabe hier beenden und fliegen direkt in Ihrem Land, Sie kennenzulernen. Gott sei Dank, dass der neue Präsident Elect, Barrack Obama, dessen großes Interesse rufen Sie uns zurück ist bald nach Hause.

Weitere Vertraulichkeit werde ich danken Ihnen für Ihre Mühe, mich durch diese private E-Mail coltim.reese11@gmail.com zu erreichen

Grüße
Col.Timothy Reese

Nope, me either.

[XcOM]

Good day,

With all due respect, and maximum understanding, it is my wish to inform you that I hope a confidential proposal for you.I, can I trust you as a partner with me to do this.

Before we proceed, I would like to introduce myself to you, I'm Col.Timothy Reese, the commander of the Special Purpose Marine Air-Ground Task Force created by the United Nations troops in Iraq, the war against terrorism.

I now have in our possession the sum of $ 9.2 million, which was recovered from one of our attacks on terrorist camps here in Iraq because they keep most of their money at home for evil activities which they normally through illegal deals on crude oil.

Based on the suffering that we learn some of us take so much happiness. It happened that in our last attack last week we have one of the terrorist attack strong base here in Iraq, and we recovered this huge sum. This box of money was deposited with the Red Cross here in Baghdd tell them that there are contacts for their safe keeping and contacts made to establish the proper usage is. As team leader, it should be approved, under my power, those who continue to come for this money.

So I need someone I trust and with a lot of why I contacted you. If you accept it, I'll forward as the beneficiary Put / owner of the funds and then move the money for you in Europe. As military personnel, I can not parade such a sum or carry to America, so I need someone present as beneficiary.I only need your permission, and everything is done.I have a 100% authentic means of transferring the money through diplomatic courier for In Europe.

As soon as I would confirm your interest in my proposaland your positive response, I go to register your name as the recipient

If you are interested, please let me know so I can go to the consignment in your name with the time registration is very important to me. I am doing this on trust, you should understand that as a trained military expert I am always careful in my dealings so everything is intact. This money is my life and I am ready to give you 30% of the total sum if the money is provided to you. I am waiting for your answer, then we go immediately. In less than 7 days should the money in your keeping.

The only phone we have is radio message for our general use and will be monitored so that all communication via e-mail, until we finish our job here and fly directly into your country to meet you. Thank God that the new President Elect, Barrack Obama, whose interest is call us back home soon.

Other confidentiality, I would like to thank you for your efforts to reach me through this private e-mail to coltim.reese11 @ gmail.com

Regards
Col.Timothy Reese

.