Oil changes....

[SXRguyinMA]

for men and women

Oil Change instructions for Women:

1: Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2: Drink a cup of coffee.
3: 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

Oil Change $20.00 Coffee $3.00 Total $23.00

Oil Change instructions for Men:

1: Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2: Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.
3: Open a beer and drink it.
4: Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5: Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6: In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7: Place drain pan under engine.
8: Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9: Give up and use crescent wrench.
10: Unscrew drain plug.
11: Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil. Splash hot oil on face and arms in process. Cuss and swear.
12: Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
13: Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14: Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15: Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
16: Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17: Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work.
18: Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it to recycle.
19: Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20: Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21: Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22: Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
23: Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24: Remember drain plug from step 11.
25: Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26: Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with drain plug.
27: Drink beer.
28: Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily patch of ground and to avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawn mower gas.
29: Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
30: Drink beer.
31: Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
32: Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33: Begin cussing fit.
34: Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35: Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss August (2002) in the left boob.
36: Beer.
37: Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38: Beer.
39: Beer.
40: Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41: Beer.
42: Lower car from jack stands.
43: Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44: Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23-43.
45: Beer.
46: Test drive car.
47: Get pulled over:..... arrested for driving under the influence.
48: Car gets impounded.
49: Call loving wife, make bail.
50: 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $40.00
Total-- $4165.00 But at least you know the job was done right!!

[Luke122]

*sigh*

[FrooP]

*also sigh*

[rendermandan]

Well, hold on there sir. There is another side to this story. after the woman leaves Jiffy Lube.

1. Cars tires deflate because they didn' put the air stem back in from their "20 point service"
2. Cars oil leaks all over the street because they didn't tighten the oil plug properly.
3. Cars engine overheads because of lack of oil.
4. Wife will come home and forget about the check engine and oil light.
5. 4 weeks later when the cars engine siezes, your wife will call you saying the car broke down and you need to come pick her up.
6. when you ask her if there was anything wrong before, she replies, "Oh yean, a few weeks ago, some light thingy came on".
7. When you check to see what light it was, you find that the bulb had burnt out from being on so long.
8. You are forced to have a new engine installed in the car.
9. Then your wife blames you and makes it seem like its your fault for not changing the oil yourself in the first place.

So money spent. $6000

That Is how it goes my friend....

[SXRguyinMA]

lol nice addition

[gramatton]

Or you can do what I did the first time and forget to check that the o-ring from the old oil filter was still on the oil filter, put the new oil filter on, get the oil in start the car and have oil spray all over the place because the old o-ring was still on in between the new oil filter and the frame. Cuss swear and have to redo everything and clean-up all the new oil on the floor.